To the Safe and Calculating

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.”
-Psalm 34:4

I have a hard time believing this.

My willful Self doesn’t really believe that the Lord will answer me. Maybe some other people, or in another time. But not me. Not now.

This past week however, I sought the Lord, the He answered me. It’s those moments that make me realize I didn’t expect him to.

But it’s those moments that rid me, slowly, of my willful Self, and fill me with more of Christ. It’s those moments that increase my faith.

I have a hard time believing that God will answer me in any specific way. Maybe that’s why I have a hard time asking. Even when I do pray, I think He might answer my vague, general prayers in ways that can’t really be measured. Or I pray around my “real” prayers, unsure if I can really ask for what I need.

So, I pray one more safe, calculated, vague prayer. Sometimes I’m not really sure what I’m asking of God. But it definitely isn’t anything dangerous. It can’t be anything bold.

Yet, these are the kinds of prayers I need to pray. The scary, uncertain, vulnerable kind. And release control of them to the Lord, trusting His answer.

Not just for my own faith to increase, but also for the prayers that have gone unanswered simply because I haven’t asked.

I wonder: how different would life around me look if every one of the prayers I’ve prayed in the last week was answered? The honest answer is: probably not very. I want the answer to be drastically different.

I’m following the model of Jesus in the Lord’s Prayer as I pray, to release control of my needs while seeking Him earnestly for more.

Your Kingdom come. Whatever the future looks like, I pray it looks more like God’s Kingdom. And specifically, not my own. This is a prayer of releasing control, of open hands, of reminding myself that God’s Kingdom is above my own, of recognition that my prayers are ultimately in His control.

Your will be done. I ask that God’s will comes into my areas of need. I seek the Lord for what I need, boldly, vulnerably, and entrust them to Him. I ask that His will intersects with my need.

Release, and seek.

I pray you will join me in saying, like the Psalmist, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me”.

Your fellow sinner and sufferer,